To The Bride, And Groom!
by LemonySnickersBars
Summary: Emmett and Jasper's best man speeches. Pointless fluff that was too cute not to write. 2 shot.
1. Emmett

_I own Zippo lighters._

**Emmett's Speech**

I could see them all holding their breaths as I stepped up to bat. He had overlooked this in his plan to make _both _Jasper and I his best men. Now he was going to suffer. Bella's family, and the few humans from the hospital Carlisle invited grabbed food, and were settled down at their tables.

"And now we'll have the best mans speech." Alice announced, she was the Emcee. "Emmett?"

I grinned, and went to the podium, drawing all eyes to the front. I looked at the mic, and tried to get level with it, but it was set to Alice's height, so it was almost impossible. I finally brought it up to my height, while the crowd laughed, and Alice shot daggers at me with her eyes.

"Well, they're married. Chief Swan, you can put your gun away." I waited until the laughter died down to speak again. "Okay, so I'm supposed to tell you something about how Bella and Edward came to be together, or at least that's what Alice is threatening me to do..." 1...2...3. Count to three so the laughter can die out. "I can't tell you the whole story, but I can tell you the basics. Bella came to Fork's in the middle of the school year, so she unfortunately had to sit to Edward in class. Now, Edward, you see, hadn't drank his apple juice like a good little boy at lunch, so he wanted to bite her head off." All of the Cullen's, and Bella laughed. "Of course it didn't help that Bella stabbed him with a pencil-"

"I knew it!" Mike Newton cried.

_Why did we invite him_? Edward laughed, and I continued. "Anyways! Thing's were going as good as they could've. Edward turned from a grouchy, miserable, unfriendly, pariah, vampire, into a walking ball of untanned sunshine." I did jazz hands, while Edward glared. "Of course, they were hit by a walloping case of bad luck which was brought on by Bella falling down a couple flights of stairs, and out a window. Who new that someone could be that clumsy!" I shook my head in mock horror. "Bella, and Edward have made it through all odds, and in the end, they'll come out stronger than ever. I mean look at her! She's good enough to eat." I winked, and she blushed. "And Edward isn't that bad himself. He's always been a loner in the family. No soul to go with his. He had a shot at Rosie, and looked the other way. And now we know he was waiting for Bella. The Bonnie to his Clyde, the Juliet to his Romeo, the Buffy to his Spike... except Buffy was a lot more coordinated." No one in Bella's family noticed that I hadn't denied that Edward was a vampire.

"When I was first brought into the Cullen family, I was told something by Carlisle. He said 'You're in this for an eternity, because this family last's forever'. Once you're in you're not getting out, and I don't think any of us want to. Having Bella along for the ride, is only making it a Hell of a lot more entertaining, and we'll always be there to catch her when she trips over air. Well, Bella, welcome to the family!"

"Now, I propose a toast. To Edward, for knowing when to deny himself of those little pleasure's in life, and to Bella, for being able to look the things that go bump in the night right in the face, and say 'I love you'. To a new life, a new hope, and a new family. To my goofy brother, and my new babysister. To Bella, and Edward!"

"To Bella, and Edward!" the crowd cheered, and burst out into a round of applause. Bella, and Edward smiled at me, and I felt good inside. Having Bella around was going to make infinity seem a lot better. Infinity with my new little sister.

"Well, Jasper. You're up to bat!" I chuckled, and got off of the little stage. Jasper past me on the way up, and hit me with a wave of nervousness.

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I _HAD_ to write it.!


	2. Jasper

_Here's what I own; 0_

_I'm not Steph Meyer, and I need your help. I have a friend who wants to audition for the role of Jane Volturi in the New Moon movie. How does she get an audition? Please tell me. She is my vision of Jane Volturi, and just looks the part so much. She's studied her hard, and has been writing her POV just to understand her better. She's 13 years old, but looks younger. She's gorgeous, and her glare makes you shiver. If she was a vamp, I swear she'd have Jane's powers. I'm her councillor._

_TELL ME HOW SO I CAN GET HER THIS BREAK!_

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**Jasper's Speech**

I lowered the mic, and cleared my throat. Unnecessary, of course, but it helped. "Umm, well, Alice told me to tell you about Edward and Bella... so here it goes." I said nervously, and pulled out my cue cards so I'd know what the hell I was doing. "When Edward was younger, before I was even in the family, he ran away. He did some less than favorable things while he was gone. T.P.-ing houses, spray painting his name on things, _killing people._" I said the last one in Vampire speed. "but even after all that, he was still good enough to know what he had done was wrong, and he came back home." I switched my card, and looked nervously at Alice. She smiled, and I felt a bit better. "I've always been in the background during Bella and Edward's relationship, but I've been watching." _And feeling. _"Edward has always been my brother in my mind, and Bella will fit right in with the rest of us... she's pale enough." I could hear the crickets, but I tried to remind myself that I might just be hearing them because I had super hearing.

"Jazz!" I looked at Alice. "Relax." I did as she told me, and swallowed the nervous venom that was working its way up my throat like vomit.

"I'm sorry I'm so stiff." I whispered at Vampire speed. Emmett snorted, and booed me. "I'm only nineteen." I spat, "I'm too young for best man speeches."

_"You're as old as dirt, Jasper." _Emmett shot back. I glared at him, and sighed.

"I suck, I'll give you that." I replied so quickly it came across the speakers as a humming sound.

_"You bet you do, Count Chocula." _

The conversation took less than a human blink, but they could still see I was nervous. Hell, they could feel it. Man up, Whitlock. I thought, ignoring that Edward could hear me. I _hate_ public speaking. You're a leader, Jasper, Don't be such a sissy!

"Bella has got to be one of the sweetest girls that I've ever met, and even though she has more than enough reason to hate me, I feel that she really doesn't. Edward, I wish you a happy marriage, and if you hurt Bella, _ever_ Emmett and I will rip you to bits, set you on fire, and then throw your ashes onto a freeway." I said when my nerve was back. "It's rare for people like us to meet others, and for a long time we thought that Edward was just going to be alone forever. He was an ice cube, and the rest of us were water. He was stuck alone in the fridge, and we were all in the sink... okay I admit that analogy sucks, but still. When Bella came, she sort of attacked him with a blow dryer like she was Alice before a dance." People laughed, and Alice frowned.

"Edward and Bella are pretty good together. Always happy, or mushier than soup crackers, but its always... pleasant." I smiled. It was true. It was a nice change to be around a truly happy human. "Bella brings a lot to this family. Warm, color, the ability to trip over the yellow lines painted on to pavement to mark parking spaces, and she smells good." Everyone laughed, but it depended on whether you were human or a Vampire. Bella blushed, Edward chuckled, and I couldn't help but smile. "No matter what happens, Edward and Bella will be there for each other forever, and that's something that I think we can all agree on."

Mumbles of agreement ran through the crowd. "To Bella and Edward." I said, and raised my glass of disgusting wine.

"To Bella and Edward!" they agreed. I steeled myself, and chugged the drink to get rid of it. Then, I got up off of the podium, went behind the shed with the rest of my family, and Bella in tow, and puked up the offending alcohal.

Assorted gags and wretches rang through the air with Bella's giggles. I raised my head, and cocked an eyebrow. "You're laughing now, but you won't be later."

And that was true. In a few weeks, Bella would be gliding with the best of us, and puking wedding champagne up behind sheds with them as well.

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_Review, and please tell me how!_


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